The Countdown

In goodbye, the physicality of our beings will diminish
and I will grow to forget what your touch feels like
But what I am most terrified of
is waking up one morning
and having to convince myself that our time together
wasn't just another dream.

Love with you makes me want to rip my hair out of my head or hide under the sheets for days.
Yet, I still feel you run your fingers through my hair at the end of each day in our unmade bed.

I never knew the depths of love till I loved through the hurt

Saved Memories

I can't be her, I thought me would be enough

I'll love you forever, that's the problem

Pull Me Up

I'm hanging on
to the words you said
days and days ago.
I'm hanging on
to the feelings you made me feel
all that time ago.
I'm hanging on
to the images in my mind of us
from however long ago.
But my hands are burning from the grip
and my mind is growing faint.

They warned you about guarding your heart but they never told you to protect it from yourself.

The Evergreen Feelings

I try to think
Of ways of putting
Words together
To show only
An ounce of what
I feel.
But now I see,
in doing so,
I diminish the power
that the simple words hold.
So though I will
never stop
trying to
express my love,
every poetic line
is just a decorated branch off of
the deeply rooted
"I love you
I love you
I love you."

The Thrown Towel

I've learned to deal with my pain on my own, without involving anyone else.

I still wonder why, why I set myself up for such a lonely life.

I'm Sorry

But maybe it's my fault, maybe I love too much.
A love that no one can return for it will never be enough.

Please

I know you do but just tell me too.

The Game of Lust

I give you my body.
I give you all of it.
You take most of it.
You made my heart fall for you,
while my mind was in awe of you.
As a reward I gave you my body,
you didn't take all of it.
You left my heart.
You left my mind.
But you took the rest of it.

The Void

I can't get myself out of a hole I dug myself in
But no one can help me if I don't let them in
I think I love the darkness my mind enters in
In hopes that someone will let the light in

Forever is Never

You can never know how someone feels.
You can believe their words,
watch their actions,
understand their intentions,
but while you finally convince yourself the love you feel is matched,
they have been slowly unloving you with each passing second.

I am afraid of doing something I do not know how to do.
I am afraid I will realize I am not good enough.
I am afraid I won't be great.
I never thought I would be afraid to try.
I'm terrified.

Our Inevitable, Unfinished Love Story

When I first spoke to you I knew. I knew I was going to love you. And I knew it was already starting. What I didn't know was all the different ways I would love you.

When I first saw you, I loved you. I loved the way you looked. I loved how each strand on your head grew out curled. I loved that mystery. I loved how every emotion was first spoken with your eyes. They were bursting with life but filled with too much of the pain you carried since you were young. I loved the way your eyebrows were shaped contrasting your soft edges. I loved your lips. Your lips were a big fluffy cloud, close enough to admire but far enough to stop my breathing. The curve the sides of your mouth made when you smiled, that's the stuff people sing in the shower about. This love was easy. This love everyone could see when they looked at you. But I didn't see your looks, I felt them.

When I first learned who you were, I loved you. You were so interested in me, curious about my thoughts, worried about my sadness. Caring, you cared for me from the start. I loved the person you were to the world. Passionate, you loved in extremes. The things you loved were perfect in your eyes and nothing could convince you otherwise. Intelligent, you had a brilliant mind. You knew something about everything and sometimes everything about somethings. I loved that you didn't think you were brilliant, that this was common knowledge everyone knew. This love was easy. This love everyone could feel when they meet you. This is the love girls convince themselves they will feel forever, the obvious love, the comfortable love.

When I first met you, when I first met your soul, I fell in love. It is a love that is not easy to dissect. It is a love that gives the non living parts of your body feeling. I feel my bones smile, my veins strum, and my blood dream. I feel a love that I know is mine, no one can have it. This is the love that grows in me with every second. It is a connection that started and decided without my approval that it will build a home in a heart. Your heart. It is a love where I can't help but love everything. I love everything. Every thought you think, every feeling you feel, every short fuse that goes off, every word you say that you don't mean, all the things that irritate you, all of it that is you. I love your past, the events that made you when they had the ability to break you. I love your mask, the way you appear to have yourself composed, but I felt the way your heart beat the first time you held me in your arms. I felt who you were when no one was around for you to be anyone for. I felt you. I love when you let yourself cry, it is a part of you that you still try to hide from yourself. I love that you lent me your eyes to see the real you. But the strangest part of it all is that by some sort of magic, or good karma in a past life, this love is mutual. It is a connection beating through both of us. A love where we can't fake it, mistakes can't shake it, and life won't break it. It is a love beyond our capacities. This is the love no one understands and we don't want them to. I feel this love burning in me, my heart on fire. All things I love about life burst out of me. I become all my favorite things I like about myself. We are able to love like two kids who don't know any better and fail to have any worries ahead of them while also having a love that has a wise and understanding experience of a thousand centuries. I find that when you go, your soul takes a part of me with you. I am not who I am meant to be without you. This is a love between two souls, not two people. Everything that once confused me is making sense. I understand now why I felt such strong emotions for you when I didn't know you, why every feeling I felt with you has been extreme. This is you. This is me. This is love. It was always going to be love.

Everywhere

I taste you in every perfectly steeped cup of tea.
I feel you when I wear my favorite pair of jeans.
I see you in the reflection of my eyes when they glisten.
I read about you in a good book that is not about you.
I hear you in the best songs on the radio.
I touch you when the rain's first drop meets my skin.
I breathe you in as the candle burns slow.

Help Wanted.

I feel like I am crying when no tears are falling. I feel like I am hurting when no pain can be found. And I guess I am worried that this is beyond my control. I guess I am afraid of the unknown. 

An Attack of the Heart

This.
"This."
Fucking "this."
You "can't do this"?
this?
the "this" you are referring to is us.
us isn't just a "this."
A this is a vague piece of anything.
"What is this?" That's a this.
Not us.
Our love isn't a "this."
Our love is an everything. A infinitive possibility of everything and all things.
It is not a "this."
Don't tell me you can't do "this."
"This" is everything we are.
"This" is you, "this" is me.
"This" is the silent promise our souls made to each other.
You don't just stop our love.
You can't stop love.
You can't stop "this."

Gone.

I see you are not here
and I know you are not here.
But I feel you are not here.
I do not feel me.
I do not feel you.
I feel the space.
I feel the emptiness.
I feel the loss.
I feel the pain.
I feel when you are not here.
I feel it now.

You Gave Me Your Heart.

I gave you my heart.
When you cry, when you hurt, when you breakdown, when you encourage pain, when you doubt,
remember your heart is fine.
Know it is mine,
know it is my heart you will be breaking.

The Last Storm

Every tear that drops is a tsunami to my body
It's happening
While my heart floods with gallons of memories
It's taking me
And each "I miss you" is a hurricane in my brain
Shaking my soul

I'm not whole.

A Spilt Connection

I rarely drank tea. I drink it often now. Two cups a day. Three when I'm sad. I know you drink it more than often, maybe four cups a day.
I just want to feel you again.

A Writer's Sixteen Day Love Story

You were here. I could not write, I could not express, I did not over think. But I did smile. I did love.
You are gone. I cannot write, I cannot dream, I cannot hope, I cannot understand. But I can cry. I do cry.

And I am in love with the wind, for I know the breeze that I am taking in traveled from you.

My Heart Did Not Break

My heart was shaved tonight. A thin layer, scratched off.
My heart was carved tonight. Still a heart, just smaller.
My heart was squeezed tonight. A cup full of me poured out.

A Lack of Disclaim

"Love is when..."
"A soulmate is a person who..."
"People will walk in and walk out of...."
"Your first love is your..."
"In life it is important to...."


Your words and thoughts make us doubt our own feelings.
Don't take the living out of our lives.

The Non-Repayable Gift

You made hope burn in my body, you gave life to my soul.

My Vacation

Whoever said home is where the heart is, never met you.

Piercing

I know you can hear me from over there
But I don't know why you listen.

Truthful Liar

Who ever told you you don't cry when you are in love?

Make-up

The tears stream down as I try to disguise them away
As I try to conceal, my emotions have never been more real
As I stare at myself in the mirror, the truth is revealed
And as I try to carry on, my heart just pounds on

Buried Alive

I did it again, I let myself fall deep
too deep to get myself out.

Even though you have my love,
I feel I am the lucky one.
Lucky to have such a strong,
unconditional love for someone,
lucky to be so sure of something,
lucky to have found a home in the wind.

Stress Ball

And you can squeeze me till I break
It's okay if it takes the pain away

Socks on Christmas

I was never someone to win, I always gave myself before anyone had the chance to try

Breaking

You're strumming the strings of my heart

But music isn't playing

Invisible

I know you see me
I know you know I'm here
Why are you treating my like I'm anyone
I'm supposed to be your everyone

Common Knowledge

If you feel something strong, don't you want to show it? Don't you want to let it out? Share it and bestow it? Why would you want to hide it? Why do you hide me?

I wonder why God made you
flawless in my eyes
Why when I look at you, I see raw
beauty
Why I see a home in your eyes and
a haven in your lips.
I wonder, but I never question.

Falling in Falling out

One day I'll be there and
our lives will begin.
But, please, don't waste
a single second wishing
for time speed by.
The moment we are
in each other's arms,
our hourglass is placed
down.

Ocean Level

Once, every breath, I devoted to you.
          my lips belonged to you
          my touch
          my glance
          my smile
          my being, all belonged to you.
Now, I don't know you.
Now, I'm breathing fine.

Addition of Subtraction

I never
wrote about
love with him.

I find it hard to write 

about anything 

but love now.

I Cannot Lie to My Pen,

my heart is terrified of the goodbye in hello.

The Lucky Ones

It must be nice to run to him
It must be nice to taste his smile on your lips
to be so close you can feel his words crash on your face
to not be able to go two seconds without touch
to be looked at that way
to be so needed, to matter
to have your worries poured out of you with each breath he takes
to drown in his ocean of passion
to feel complete with all of your soul
to have a sense of purpose
to know.
It must be nice.

The Solace Surprise

We both found a way to heal in each other. We found medicine in each other's words. We found solace in each other's companion and eventually our wounds healed almost unnoticeably. But something we never saw coming, what we never anticipated, was the love we found in one another.

Aftermath

We have yet to share time together
But I can't stop worrying about
What we are going to do
When our time is spent
And our hearts are swollen of
Affection

Rare

What we are is something so far from real and normal,

that it makes what we have so abnormally real.

The Ever in For

I wish I had the words to say that would show you how much you mean to me
without scaring you
without putting a label
but anything I want to say is too serious
for two young kids in love,
for two young kids so far away
from where they need to be.

A Different Pain

And if I don't seem like myself lately,
I'm sorry.
But being me means loving you,
You, who makes me wonder
if I'm doing something wrong
if I'm the reason for your coldness.
So if being someone else means
I can love you from a safe, painless distance
Then I can't be me.

Waterfall

All the truths I gave my soul to are
Unraveling.
All the thoughts I put my heart into are
Breaking.
All I am,
All my love
Poured into you,
You are draining out.

Fool

I am a fool for putting my heart in a fire and not expecting it to burn
I am forever misguided by the one I yearn

Awakening Thoughts

And I wonder, is it worse to never realize what is wrong or to realize what is wrong and do nothing to make it right?

Cynics

Why when you tell people your dreams, they chose to remind you of all the future obstacles? Why is reassurance so unattainable?

3453

People say one of the worst pains is wanting someone who does not want you back. But why doesn't anyone talk about the pain of distance; of two people wanting each other, but remaining powerless to the circumstances in which they were born in? Why don't we talk about that?

Definition

I want to know who you are when you are not trying to be.

That Should Be Me

Envious of

the phone that feels the

warmth of your fingers

the seatbelt that holds and

protects you 

the loofah that is more than familiar

 with every inch of your body
the drops of water that
slowly travel down your skin
the gloves that fit perfectly shaped to
your hands
the shaving cream that feels
the stubble of your face
the fruit that touches the
nerves in your delicate lips
the joke that causes the earth's
loveliest sound to escape
the song that your voice
sings beautifully along with
the lyrics that you have memorized
and identify with

the cold breeze that brushes across
your unscarfed neck
the pillow where you rest your
troubled head.
But what I am most envious of
is not just one thing.
It is everything you hold in your heart,
everything that is loved
by you.

Come Over

I have a list of things to do, yet I'd rather sit around and think of you.

Jealousy

A sixty year old lady, with a conventional name. Walks with a cane and has a memory that can barely recall the previous day.
A young adult, not much different than me. Desperate to live life. But stays surviving in front of a computer screen, minimum wage.
A doorman, receives one thank you for every twenty people that walk through his door.
A baby, in a carriage. Hysterically crying from a bottle dropped on the floor.

To be jealous of a timeless friendship with a neighbor, a new companionship with a coworker, a few words and smiles exchanged while walking, and just a simple gesture exchanged with someone who has already forgotten it, seems crazy. But it is not crazy if you realize the one thing they all have experienced that I have not.

A Weak Stem Kills the Whole Flower

What happens when I lose my way? How can you help get me back when you don't even know where I was? If one day the weight of always holding on to the hopes and dreams of us becomes too heavy, would you pick them up? If I am alone in my certainty, how can I truly be certain?

I Dream to Dream

In a brutal world of reality, I search for someone to dream with.

You Came Back

And I know you'll deny leaving but I wanted to say thank you for coming back. Thank you for bringing me back. 

7

My once dying dream is becoming a resurrecting reality