Not My Boy

I take what this universe gives to me, I take it all. I justify it with what I deserve and what will make me stronger. But it wasn't till you told me of your pain, till you told me of the agony and misery that suffocated your lungs and strangled your heart, that I finally picked a fight with life and said that is enough.

The Worst Pain

You claim to love him
                  to respect his thoughts
                  to cherish his being
yet you still think it is only you you hurt
as you look in the mirror and curse at the relflection
as you drag your weapon of choice against your skin
as you try to correct what God has already made perfect.

Mean

And they'll throw, launch, and strike
boulders at you,
As many as they like
You will feel pain
in every inch of you,
And fall will the rain
But don't throw back,
what will hurt them the most,
is the heart they lack.

My Mirror

I will never see my own face, only in a lying reflection or a misleading picture. But when I see myself through your eyes, I can't help but think that God made me with the loveliest of paintbrushes.

The Switch

As I lay on my black sheeted bed, with a comforter as fluffy as a marshmallow, and a sweatshirt so big I can get lost, I think of you. The room's lights are off but I have these little dangly flower lights that, combined with the glow the gray clouds send my way, create a dream atmosphere. The wind blows through the open window with a crisp breeze that smells just like serenity and tranquility. Every worry of yesterday is left for another day. As for right now, I feel your love in the shaking tree leaves and the air I inhale and I look out towards the landscape, thanking you for sending it my way.

The Dying Galaxy

When you remember that one day our world will not be here anymore, it is hard to imagine why we bother being the way we are, why we associate with anyone or anything that doesn't contribute to our happiness. Why we don't show kindness to everyone and everything, why we don't love who we want to and why we apologize for our feelings. One day no one will know of our previous existence, so why bother living for anyone else. All we can do is hope that who we were, somehow in someway, is unique enough to be remembered for generations after us and if not, then at least we had a good time while trying.

Our Day

I see pictures of other people, I see people in the corners of my eyes, loving one another. And it makes me smile. And it makes me mad, knowing that should be me and you, putting the rest of the world to shame.

You Still Always

Despite it all, you still make me happy. you still make breathing easier. you still have my heart, regardless if you want it. you are still the only person I see. you still make me weak, effortlessly.

The Moment

When it all crashes and collides and you collapse to the ground, when every touch,word,sound,thought,feeling, that once made you feel pain races into your body. When air is locked out from entering your lungs and your skin becomes stone. When your being is imprisoned with broken keys. When crying overpowers breathing. When the strength to get up is gone, no one is there.

But maybe giving more than can be received is the same pain as never receiving. 

The Nightmare Before Sleep.

By day, individuals we are. Different emotions circulate amongst the human body and mind. Our strength is tested through the long hours spent awake. We are filled with human interaction and conversation. Searching for a minute of peace and solitude, to desperately regret when the sun begins its rest. Laying in the darkness of the sky, loneliness is felt in the fingertips, shivered in the bones, flowing in the blood, ached in the heart, and crashing with the tears. Attention is yearned, affection is longed. All once rejected, to be left sick with unanswered questions.

Sitting in her seat, while Professor talks on about what she blocked out over an hour ago. 3478 miles away her mind is. But it's not alone. Back in class, a soulless body remains, no heart beat, only to be found in Southeastern England. Once was a thought turned to a dream, to become something uncontrollable; a necessity.
Until the physical body of her does arrive, she will feel not whole.
A desire so craved, it overpowers and controls.

What a Boy

To have such passionate feelings,
what a sad girl.
To be dependent on another soul,
what a foolish girl.
To crave a love so rare,
what a needy girl.
To dream a far away dream,
what a naive girl.
To have such a heart to offer,
what a blindly lucky boy.

Lights Off

I see most
      My eyes
       My body feels at ease
   the motion of the earth flows
the sun's rays glow, the moon's shine, the gray cloud's reflection
                                                                      impact real feelings
  answers crawl onto my body
    I feel calm
            as I breathe in the light from the heavens.

I Am Told

I am told that desires are unrealistic
with promises of never coming true
Yet, I swear by all that is real
I will find my way to you

Barbarians

They shoot knives from their mouths and aim for my heart. And even though I dodge and I duck and my heart is still untouched, the points have been cutting the surface of my skin and I don't know how much blood I can bleed till I'm drained. 

Your Map

I did not fall. I walked. I chose my steps cautiously and breathed in the sweet, fresh air. I looked up and I saw the sunrise in the distance. It was a blend of every color I loved, and together painted a picture no paintbrush could ever create. I stared in awe. I passed a placid lake on my way. I went to look for the reflection staring back. Tears dropped down into the water as the beautiful girl in the lake stared back at me. Scared, I ran till my legs gave out. I was lost. I dropped to my knees and screamed out for a direction, a sign. I opened my eyes and saw a cobblestone trail. I followed for days, weeks, maybe months. When the sun said goodbye, the moon guided me in darkness. And when I saw it, this magical waterfall glistening with every wave that shattered looking down at me, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be and I thanked God, for no other way would have taken me here.

Since You

And isn't it breathtaking

How the clouds sing

The rain dances

The fog blurs

But we still see 

The wind whispers 

Poignant promises to the sky

The stars fall with no intention of crashing

And tonight the moon will not say goodnight.

Regardless, My Glass is Still Not Full

Maybe you are meant to be sad, to be let down, to feel disappointment. So that you become aware of your control in someone else's sadness. 

Bedside

It's hard not to have expectations when you only ask for so little, and when you give so much. 

If I can't make myself happy, I will spend the rest of my days finding my sanctity in your heart. 

What a sad wonderful thing it is, to have someone be your everything, and never know for sure if you are theirs. 

19

The body ages but the mind is unaware. I'm just as lost and confused as a child. But I am told to have the mindset as the adult my birth date says I am. I am not where I expected myself to be and I am still trying to figure out if that's good or bad. All I know is that I don't know. 

Wide Awake

You're not here at night. When it gets dark and cold. You're not here. I bite my lip and hold my breathe. I want you and I need you and I'm scared and lost. And you're not here. I look at the sky but its black. When hope is missing and love is dried and drained. You're not here. When my heart and tears cry out your name. You're not here. When the sun shines and the warm wind blows, you're here. But when I need you the most, you're not here. 

Static Stasis

I almost did it. I shouldn't say almost because I still might. I don't want to. But I need to. I remember one year ago, I felt like this. I don't know how to stop this feeling. I don't know the cause. All I know is what my body craves. You're supposed to grow in a year, change. It shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't still feel like this.