I've learned to deal with my pain on my own, without involving anyone else.
I still wonder why, why I set myself up for such a lonely life.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
I'm Sorry
But maybe it's my fault, maybe I love too much.
A love that no one can return for it will never be enough.
A love that no one can return for it will never be enough.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
The Game of Lust
I give you my body.
I give you all of it.
You take most of it.
You made my heart fall for you,
while my mind was in awe of you.
As a reward I gave you my body,
you didn't take all of it.
You left my heart.
You left my mind.
But you took the rest of it.
I give you all of it.
You take most of it.
You made my heart fall for you,
while my mind was in awe of you.
As a reward I gave you my body,
you didn't take all of it.
You left my heart.
You left my mind.
But you took the rest of it.
The Void
I can't get myself out of a hole I dug myself in
But no one can help me if I don't let them in
I think I love the darkness my mind enters in
In hopes that someone will let the light in
But no one can help me if I don't let them in
I think I love the darkness my mind enters in
In hopes that someone will let the light in
Forever is Never
You can never know how someone feels.
You can believe their words,
watch their actions,
understand their intentions,
but while you finally convince yourself the love you feel is matched,
they have been slowly unloving you with each passing second.
You can believe their words,
watch their actions,
understand their intentions,
but while you finally convince yourself the love you feel is matched,
they have been slowly unloving you with each passing second.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Our Inevitable, Unfinished Love Story
When I first spoke to you I knew. I knew I was going to love you. And I knew it was already starting. What I didn't know was all the different ways I would love you.
When I first saw you, I loved you. I loved the way you looked. I loved how each strand on your head grew out curled. I loved that mystery. I loved how every emotion was first spoken with your eyes. They were bursting with life but filled with too much of the pain you carried since you were young. I loved the way your eyebrows were shaped contrasting your soft edges. I loved your lips. Your lips were a big fluffy cloud, close enough to admire but far enough to stop my breathing. The curve the sides of your mouth made when you smiled, that's the stuff people sing in the shower about. This love was easy. This love everyone could see when they looked at you. But I didn't see your looks, I felt them.
When I first learned who you were, I loved you. You were so interested in me, curious about my thoughts, worried about my sadness. Caring, you cared for me from the start. I loved the person you were to the world. Passionate, you loved in extremes. The things you loved were perfect in your eyes and nothing could convince you otherwise. Intelligent, you had a brilliant mind. You knew something about everything and sometimes everything about somethings. I loved that you didn't think you were brilliant, that this was common knowledge everyone knew. This love was easy. This love everyone could feel when they meet you. This is the love girls convince themselves they will feel forever, the obvious love, the comfortable love.
When I first met you, when I first met your soul, I fell in love. It is a love that is not easy to dissect. It is a love that gives the non living parts of your body feeling. I feel my bones smile, my veins strum, and my blood dream. I feel a love that I know is mine, no one can have it. This is the love that grows in me with every second. It is a connection that started and decided without my approval that it will build a home in a heart. Your heart. It is a love where I can't help but love everything. I love everything. Every thought you think, every feeling you feel, every short fuse that goes off, every word you say that you don't mean, all the things that irritate you, all of it that is you. I love your past, the events that made you when they had the ability to break you. I love your mask, the way you appear to have yourself composed, but I felt the way your heart beat the first time you held me in your arms. I felt who you were when no one was around for you to be anyone for. I felt you. I love when you let yourself cry, it is a part of you that you still try to hide from yourself. I love that you lent me your eyes to see the real you. But the strangest part of it all is that by some sort of magic, or good karma in a past life, this love is mutual. It is a connection beating through both of us. A love where we can't fake it, mistakes can't shake it, and life won't break it. It is a love beyond our capacities. This is the love no one understands and we don't want them to. I feel this love burning in me, my heart on fire. All things I love about life burst out of me. I become all my favorite things I like about myself. We are able to love like two kids who don't know any better and fail to have any worries ahead of them while also having a love that has a wise and understanding experience of a thousand centuries. I find that when you go, your soul takes a part of me with you. I am not who I am meant to be without you. This is a love between two souls, not two people. Everything that once confused me is making sense. I understand now why I felt such strong emotions for you when I didn't know you, why every feeling I felt with you has been extreme. This is you. This is me. This is love. It was always going to be love.
When I first saw you, I loved you. I loved the way you looked. I loved how each strand on your head grew out curled. I loved that mystery. I loved how every emotion was first spoken with your eyes. They were bursting with life but filled with too much of the pain you carried since you were young. I loved the way your eyebrows were shaped contrasting your soft edges. I loved your lips. Your lips were a big fluffy cloud, close enough to admire but far enough to stop my breathing. The curve the sides of your mouth made when you smiled, that's the stuff people sing in the shower about. This love was easy. This love everyone could see when they looked at you. But I didn't see your looks, I felt them.
When I first learned who you were, I loved you. You were so interested in me, curious about my thoughts, worried about my sadness. Caring, you cared for me from the start. I loved the person you were to the world. Passionate, you loved in extremes. The things you loved were perfect in your eyes and nothing could convince you otherwise. Intelligent, you had a brilliant mind. You knew something about everything and sometimes everything about somethings. I loved that you didn't think you were brilliant, that this was common knowledge everyone knew. This love was easy. This love everyone could feel when they meet you. This is the love girls convince themselves they will feel forever, the obvious love, the comfortable love.
When I first met you, when I first met your soul, I fell in love. It is a love that is not easy to dissect. It is a love that gives the non living parts of your body feeling. I feel my bones smile, my veins strum, and my blood dream. I feel a love that I know is mine, no one can have it. This is the love that grows in me with every second. It is a connection that started and decided without my approval that it will build a home in a heart. Your heart. It is a love where I can't help but love everything. I love everything. Every thought you think, every feeling you feel, every short fuse that goes off, every word you say that you don't mean, all the things that irritate you, all of it that is you. I love your past, the events that made you when they had the ability to break you. I love your mask, the way you appear to have yourself composed, but I felt the way your heart beat the first time you held me in your arms. I felt who you were when no one was around for you to be anyone for. I felt you. I love when you let yourself cry, it is a part of you that you still try to hide from yourself. I love that you lent me your eyes to see the real you. But the strangest part of it all is that by some sort of magic, or good karma in a past life, this love is mutual. It is a connection beating through both of us. A love where we can't fake it, mistakes can't shake it, and life won't break it. It is a love beyond our capacities. This is the love no one understands and we don't want them to. I feel this love burning in me, my heart on fire. All things I love about life burst out of me. I become all my favorite things I like about myself. We are able to love like two kids who don't know any better and fail to have any worries ahead of them while also having a love that has a wise and understanding experience of a thousand centuries. I find that when you go, your soul takes a part of me with you. I am not who I am meant to be without you. This is a love between two souls, not two people. Everything that once confused me is making sense. I understand now why I felt such strong emotions for you when I didn't know you, why every feeling I felt with you has been extreme. This is you. This is me. This is love. It was always going to be love.
Everywhere
I taste you in every perfectly steeped cup of tea.
I feel you when I wear my favorite pair of jeans.
I see you in the reflection of my eyes when they glisten.
I read about you in a good book that is not about you.
I hear you in the best songs on the radio.
I touch you when the rain's first drop meets my skin.
I breathe you in as the candle burns slow.
I feel you when I wear my favorite pair of jeans.
I see you in the reflection of my eyes when they glisten.
I read about you in a good book that is not about you.
I hear you in the best songs on the radio.
I touch you when the rain's first drop meets my skin.
I breathe you in as the candle burns slow.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Help Wanted.
I feel like I am crying when no tears are falling. I feel like I am hurting when no pain can be found. And I guess I am worried that this is beyond my control. I guess I am afraid of the unknown.
An Attack of the Heart
This.
"This."
Fucking "this."
You "can't do this"?
this?
the "this" you are referring to is us.
us isn't just a "this."
A this is a vague piece of anything.
"What is this?" That's a this.
Not us.
Our love isn't a "this."
Our love is an everything. A infinitive possibility of everything and all things.
It is not a "this."
Don't tell me you can't do "this."
"This" is everything we are.
"This" is you, "this" is me.
"This" is the silent promise our souls made to each other.
You don't just stop our love.
You can't stop love.
You can't stop "this."
"This."
Fucking "this."
You "can't do this"?
this?
the "this" you are referring to is us.
us isn't just a "this."
A this is a vague piece of anything.
"What is this?" That's a this.
Not us.
Our love isn't a "this."
Our love is an everything. A infinitive possibility of everything and all things.
It is not a "this."
Don't tell me you can't do "this."
"This" is everything we are.
"This" is you, "this" is me.
"This" is the silent promise our souls made to each other.
You don't just stop our love.
You can't stop love.
You can't stop "this."
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