A Loss

If you won't fall in love with the way I smile when you say my name, with my eyes when they are looking at you, with my body when it is reacting to yours, with my soul when I'm talking about you, then you don't truly love yourself. 

Simple Math

I am not worried if one day our hearts decide to explore. There is no other you, there is no other me. Why would I be afraid of what is meant to be?

Please come back soon

I gave you my heart, I can feel its struggling beat.

I am not alone.
Even when no one is near
and I am on the floor
with temptation
drowning my veins,
I feel you there.
When you are not here,
you are everywhere.

I'll never know what made you smile yesterday.
I'll never understand where your fears rooted from, and who kept them watered all these years.
I'll never see what you looked like at age seventeen and how you treated that one girl who was nervous.
I'll never be able to hold you the first time you cried, to tell you that it will be alright and then be there to watch time make it alright.
I'll never feel the scruff of your facial hair against my skin during that phase you had.
I'll never memorize the look on your face when your favorite team won that game you still talk about today.
Even though it is all in the past, and it is all gone, it all added up to the man I love now.
And I'll never know.

Home

As she looks at a picture of his face and she knows who she is, who she was, and who she is going to be. His skin is home to hers. His kiss is real to her because her heart has dreamt it endlessly. She woke up one day knowing each curve at the end of his smile, the contradicting look in his eyes to the expression on his face, the love poured out in every word he has ever said. She knows him, and in knowing him, she is at peace with herself.

I deal with my emotions I allow myself to feel them, every drip, every ounce of feeling. Every tear blurring my vision, every chest ache, every breath hard to breathe, every crash to the bathroom floor, I let it take me away. I do not send my emotions out to the world, expecting to receive comfort, relief. I feel them. I feel them hard. But sometimes, I send them to you. You send them back. And I do not know how to feel about that, about you, about us. Pain is easy, not knowing is a feeling I cannot feel.

Deluded

If I could find the breath to say
The words that would make you stay
They would almost always be
"Don't give up on me"

Despite what I say
I know you still will go
For as long as I am I
Your love will not grow

Sunset

How could something so tragic be so beautiful?

You Destroyed my unmade memories.

My hope stood strong.

You Stole my almost happiness.

I took it back.

You Killed my chance.

You will never kill my dream.

Simply Put

I crave to be loved by you and it kills me I can't make you.

Drowning

I could change the waves of the ocean and shatter every grim shell in its depths,
I could try to turn the ocean into a lake, maybe a pretty pond
I would fight each rip current that tries to take me back
But I cannot swim away from the truth.

Those Lips.

I could

draw

paint

create

a hundred

pictures 

of 

those lips

But it

won't look like 

those lips.

I could 

think

write

rhyme

a thousand

words

about

those lips

But it 

won't describe 

my love

of 

those lips

I could 

dream

wish 

imagine

miss

those lips

but they still

won't be any closer

to

my lips.

Soon

Time has this incredible ability to sped by and drag on concurrently. I would trade months worth of happy moments for a single memory of you.

Why didn't anyone tell me not to love too much? Why didn't anyone tell me it would always hurt this much?

The Good The Bad

People serve you as a break you didn't deserve. 

People serve as a reason you break that you didn't deserve. 

Sometimes is good most times

Sometimes the hunger blurs the lines of other desires, unattainable, unreachable, unfeedable desires.

Sometimes a pinch focuses your attention on a different pain, an alive, breathing, throbbing pain.

Sometimes a dark room welcomes you and tells you that you are better off unseen, cold, alone.

Sometimes sleeping gives you temporary dementia and reminds you it could be forever, just don't wake up.

Out

Is it so wrong to just want to surrender all I have, give it all up, and never look back.
Is that so hard to believe, that existing can be more of a heartache then living.
I never really minded what people thought anyway.
You will feel my goodbye in your bones.

wondering why I

can't feel love

never knowing it

was possible to

give too much

giving more than

I can possibly get back

And now that it's on paper 

I see the problem

I give and expect 

something back

But is that so wrong

Am I sinner for that

condemned to hell?

Am I not allowed to feel 

sad for loving without

feeling that love 

back.

All We Want

Our heads will hit the pillows and our bodies will quiver with the passing breeze from the leafless trees while our minds drift a hundred different directions, searching, craving to be put at ease if we just knew that somewhere, we were a thought that put someone to sleep with a smile graced upon their face.

A Gift to the Dead

She never asks for much

She takes what she feels she deserves

But a few flowers from someone who cares

Could make her feel like a princess

Like the ones she used to read about 

With such jealousy and desire

So she cries because she thinks she knows

That the only time she will be worthy

Of such an implausible fate

is when she is in the ground

And when it is too late

I think about you all the time
You are never not on my mind
Even though I haven't told you
And I always wonder if you feel it
But, I sent my heart to you
Now no one else can steal it