What you will never know

I don't want you. You will let me down. You will be no different. But right now, in my eyes, you are better. So I won't give you the chance to change my mind. I'll push you away before you can and I'll take the responsibility of the pain. 

I have too much and not enough.
Too many roads to travel.
Not enough ways to get there.
Too many things to say.
Not enough listeners.

Too much love to give.
Not enough people to accept it.

I was still writing our story. we had plans. we had big plans. this summer was ours. we had places to go. food to eat. hands to be held. kisses to give. love to share. we had the world to see. and we were going to do it together.
but you took my pen away.

Why Don't You Love Me

I bent and broke. I emptied and then poured. I tore and I ripped. I scratched and I sanded. I pulled and I tugged. I sewed it all back and I molded. I perfected. So tell me how, how I am still not enough?

You promised you'd fight for me. I was afraid you wouldn't. You said you would never let me go. I was afraid you would.
But you didn't, and you did.

That hurt. And it still hurts. But what hurts the most, is knowing there is nothing about me worth fighting for, holding on to.

I could have called you tonight. I could have told you all the things I wasn't sure I meant. I would have said them anyway. I miss your love. We convinced ourselves we were enough. I might not have been happy, but I thought I was. I miss those thoughts.

The Change in the Altitude

you said you loved me when you were at your lowest. you told me nice things and made me feel ok. but tell me, will you still love me at your highest?

Your smile is my medicine and all I want is to overdose.

You will never understand my heart. You will never know why I feel the way I do. You will never see what's inside my mind.  But maybe that's ok. Maybe if you did, you would finally know me. And knowing me would be the worst thing. 

Take It From Experience

You don't need the cigarette to touch your skin to feel the burn. 

I give you everything and watch as you pretend to give me the same. 

Pain is inviting me in. 

No.

I invited myself.

He makes my stay so comfortable. 

I can't leave. 

I won't leave. 

I wish you couldn't see my body; that what happened to my skin in private would be invisible to the public. At least invisible to you. I know every time I hurt myself, it's not only me bleeding. And that's the worst pain of it all. 

I sit in bed and I think of you. I walk the street and pass the trees and I think of you. I pass the time and I write these lines and I think of you. I close my eyes and say goodnight and I don't think of you. 

You are here and I am with you. 

If I close my eyes tight enough and forget about the world long enough. You're here.

I am trying to love myself, but you are just so much easier to love.

Either way, in any way, this will not end right. I could blame it on the timing, but we know the truth. I don't know you and I'm not sure I want to. I know how fast a candle burns and I'm scared to light the match.

hot coffee.

your smell makes me drowsy. i wonder if you think of me. what do you think of when you look up at the sun and you become blinded? when you see something that makes you smile, do you think of my smile? do you know the creases of my smile?  you have a smile that can fix a heart. it's dangerous. it's perfect. the horizon never seemed so close and touchable.

The rich will always want and the poor will always give.

She said she wasn't broken, but I saw her broken skin. I saw the tare in the flesh. I saw the depth, and I saw its length. I asked her why she started where she did. But I should have asked her what made her stop.

He's Here Now

I loved you like the sun, but you always left and the moon shined every night.

Don't Wake Me Up

You called me up again. You told me to wake up. I told you I was. You told me I was in a nightmare. I told you I know.
I woke up. My phone showed I missed a call from you.

I will always be the girl someone else is going to love, just not you.

Tomorrow Will Never Come

What does happiness feel like. Not a rhetoric question. How does someone know what the best day feels like. Everything feels neutral. No better no worse then the previous.
Do I smile for you or do I smile for me. Is there a difference. Does it matter.

Leave Me Alone.

You cannot fix something that was made to be broken.