I hate what you've done to me

I hate that you were so stupid
I hate that you were so cruel
I hate that you allowed someone else to be involved in the hardest thing I've ever had to forgive
I hate that you put us in a position where we have to worry if our secrets will ever be revealed
I hate that you made my worst fears come true
I hate that you manipulated my kindness so you could do what you want
I hate that I'm always hurting
I hate that I'm constantly worrying
I hate that I can't trust anyone now
I hate that I'm so sad so much
Yet, I can't hate you

The Differences Between You & I

Why am I googling how to trust someone again
Why aren't you googling how to be trusted again

Control

I cannot control you

I cannot stop you from doing things that will hurt me

I cannot change you

But I control me

I have the power stop the pain

I won't be able to always know your intentions

But I can decide when to leave and to me,

having that power is empowering. 

Fingers Crossed

Some days I feel hopeless
My heart feels tired and
I can no longer carry this weight
But I stay hopeful
I tell myself we learned from the past
Over and over
I read the promises you made me
And I believe you
I am choosing to believe the
Pain you cause me is over
I have to

Empty Notepad

You make promises, you make so many promises.
I should have known you couldn't keep them,
when you don't even care enough to write a single one down

All I Can Do

All I can do
Is trust you.
Even if I have no clue
What you do.

All I can do
Is let go
& forgive you.
Even if its changed
How I view you.

All I can do
Is love you
The rest is up to you.

Be Better

I have forgiven you for who you were
but understand that I will not forgive you
for who you are anymore.
So please be careful of who you become.
The past is in the past,
I only hope you have learned from it.
Our future is in your hands
And my heart can only break so much.

Waves

The water is calm
Then it's not
The waves crash
I thread hard
Is this my life now?
Swimming in between waves
Hoping I don't drown?

Put yourself in my shoes, she says
Put yourself in my shoes, he says
Think about how hard this is for me, they say
But they both have no idea how it feels
to be betrayed
How it feels to be broken
How it feels to only be ok during those few moments
after I wake when I remember nothing
Why does it feel like I am the one suffering
when they made the mistakes

Time

With every day that passes
With each impatient remark and
anger filled comment
With every doubt that fills my mind
With every mile between us
I wonder how can we possible make this work
when I need the one thing you won't give me